Crone in Chaos Is in the House
Meet the Crone, enter the chaos, and find out why midlife was never going to be handled quietly.
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Before the Chaos Began
A look back at the suspiciously calm years before hormones began moving the furniture around in the dark.
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Sticky Situations
Sweat, heat, damp indignity and the glamorous reality of a body apparently running its own weather system.
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As Dry as the Sahara?
When perimenopause turns ordinary dryness into a full-scale desert expedition nobody packed for.
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My Patch Hates Me
Patch day should be simple. Hormones, skin and anxiety have apparently formed a committee to ensure that it is not.
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The 3AM Club
Welcome to the least exclusive club in perimenopause, where membership begins when your eyes snap open at 3AM.
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Shits, Farts and Constipation
A dignified discussion of the digestive chaos nobody put in the glossy midlife brochure. Dignity is optional.
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WTF Does Everything Scare Me Now?
When your previously competent brain starts treating ordinary life like a tiger has entered the room.
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My Get Up and Go Has Got Up and Gone
Energy, motivation and enthusiasm appear to have left no forwarding address. The Crone files a missing-person report.
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Am I Really That Ugly?
The mirror has opinions. Hormones have opinions. Neither has been asked, yet both remain extremely vocal.
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How to Get HRT From Your Doctor
How to prepare for the HRT conversation, explain what is happening, and avoid forgetting every useful sentence once the appointment starts.
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Hello? I’m Over Here!
On becoming mysteriously invisible in midlife while remaining fully capable of seeing everybody else’s nonsense.
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Sick of Being the Family Doormat
The patience cupboard is bare. A dispatch from the moment lifelong people-pleasing finally meets perimenopausal limits.
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Why Did No One Warn Me About This?
A formal complaint regarding the enormous list of perimenopause symptoms everyone somehow forgot to mention.
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The HRT Shortage: Myth or Reality?
What happens when the treatment keeping the hormonal circus vaguely contained suddenly becomes hard to find.
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Does HRT Delivery Method Really Make a Difference?
Patch, gel, tablet and the rest: a Crone-sized look at why the way hormones arrive can matter to the conversation.
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Feelings Are Imposters
When a perfectly convincing feeling barges in, steals your chair, and turns out not to be telling the whole truth.
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Me and My Fucking Bones
A deeply affectionate midlife conversation with the skeleton you barely thought about until it began demanding attention.
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Scratch That Itch
Skin gets weird too. Itching, irritation and another item for the rapidly expanding list titled “Apparently This Is Perimenopause.”
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Spotting or Flooding? Decisions, Decisions
Perimenopausal periods abandon the schedule and embrace improvisational theatre, usually while you are wearing something nice.
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Frozen Shoulders and Tennis Elbows
A tour of the aches, stiffness and mysteriously offended joints that can arrive in the middle of the hormonal festivities.
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Oh, Stop Talking
Some days every voice is one voice too many. Irritability arrives, patience departs, and chewing sounds become a personal attack.
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I Can Smell Your BO From Here
The nose has apparently received a midlife software update. Unfortunately, the new feature is detecting everyone from across the room.
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Ann Who? Anhedonia, That’s Who
When things you used to enjoy suddenly feel like beige wallpaper, the Crone investigates the missing pleasure department.
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Perimenopause Pregnancy
Wacky hormones do not automatically mean no babies. An uncomfortable reminder that irregular cycles are not contraception.
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Rage Against the Machine
When a simple piece of technology becomes the final tiny insult separating civilized society from a full Crone uprising.
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